Dying of Hardtack
by Simply Someone
Summary: Cat goes back to the Pearl, yadah yadah, Lizzie and Will break up, Cat cleans a pirate ship, and deals with a LOT of hardtack
1. Falling, Falling, Filth

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cat balanced the laptop on her knee and looked over at her kitten, who was sleeping on her other knee. "Really, Fuzzy, you do make it hard to type when you're in a cuddly mood." She remarked fondly. Cat was seventeen, middle tall and had exceptionally red hair. She was a self-proclaimed nerd, but didn't fit the stereotype. In fact, she fit no stereotype at all. Besides trying to type a report on living conditions in the 18th century, she was also watching a movie on her laptop. "He's hot, Kitty" she said appraisingly "Oh, come on!" she said when the cat paid no attention whatsoever to her comment "You have to agree with me, you've never seen better looking, cleaner looking pirates in all your nine lives." She picked the cat up and stared at it momentarily. Suddenly her computer screen began to glow faintly. "What the..." Everything went black.  
  
"Uuuuuhh. Why am I sleeping on the floor? And why is Fuzzy making that noise? What!?!?" Cat opened her eyes and saw first blue sky, then several mangy faces hanging over her. "Who are you?" she asked defensively. "Where am I? I am going to scream."  
  
"Ye're on the Black Pearl." One of the least mangy men replied. "And we're going to take ye to the captain."  
  
"Oh, yeah right. You're insane. That was just a movie. Not real life." Cat was nervous. This was weird, there she was, lying flat on her back on a fictional pirate ship with her kitten sitting on her stomach. "I must have hit my head on something." She thought, standing up. "Well, then. Take me to your captain." And scooping up her cat she followed the man to a cabin. She thanked the man, just because things were odd didn't mean she didn't have to be polite, and turned to find Captain Jack Sparrow sitting on a chair, watching her with amusement. If Cat had been the fainting kind of girl, she would have fainted. Instead she grew rather paranoid. "Oh, haha, funny. Can I go home now?" she remarked at the ceiling.  
  
"I'm afraid not, luv. We're several days from anywhere. And I'd like you to tell me how ye got on my ship." Jack answered her plea to the unknown source.  
  
"Firstly, don't call me "luv". Secondly, if you're implying that I stowed away, you'd better get that idea out of your head right now. I'd never stow away on a floating dirtbag like this! I bet if you washed the sails, they'd be white underneath!" Cat was going to continue, when she found a cutlass pointed at her chest.  
  
"Don't think I wouldn't use this on a lady. And don't ye be insultin' the Pearl, y'hear? I don't quite know what to do with a stow away. What are ye good at, girl? Besides insultin' my ship"  
  
Cat gulped. She was used to being threatened with physical harm, she didn't have a little brother for nothing, but this was a little more than she was used to. "Well captain, I can cook, sort of, and clean, though it's not what I'm best at. I can mend people pretty well if they aren't hurt too bad, and I'm good with kids." This last accomplishment was stated out of habit. The captain roared with laughter.  
  
"I don't think ye'll be takin' care of too many kiddies on board a pirate ship. But those other things might be useful. Ye said ye could cook? Fine, ye'll work in the galley. But don't expect it to be as clean as a fine house."  
  
"Captain, where do I put my kitten?"  
  
"She'll keep mice away, in the kitchen"  
  
"Ahm, she has a tendency to run away. Could I have some rope or something to put on her collar? "The captain laughed harder, and nodded. 


	2. Get Thee To The Galley!

A/N I am stupid, this story is stupider. Bear with me please.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not freaking own any of this. Except Cat and her kitten. I wish I owned Jack and Will, but no such luck.  
  
"Hey! Are you busy?" The confused pirate looked a Cat oddly. "Good, go get me a bucket of water. And when you're done with that, go get yourself a freaking eye-patch!" Cat was in a bad mood. The kitchen looked as if it hadn't been cleaned for centuries and the food was ocean-going fare. Mostly dried stuff, but what wasn't dried was moldy. "Really, Grey, I don't know what I'm going to make out of all of this. One thing I do know, I won't be eating much until we get some new supplies." She nudged the cat away with her foot. The one eyed man came back, lugging two pails of seawater.  
  
"'Ere do these things go?" he asked. "'Urry won't ye, they're startin' to 'urt me arms."  
  
"Oh, you call your sorry self a pirate, do you? Put them next to the tub there and then bring me one of fresh water and another two of saltwater." The man did as he was told and scurried out of the galley. "Well, the salt will act as much like soap as I'll be able to find around here. And all these dishes. I feel like sitting down to cry right now. It's worse than home. But home has a spastically organized mother, and all this ship has is filthy men. To work."  
  
Cat had a good meal on the table for the crew in record time. She probably should have won an award for best-improved slop, too. As she was cleaning, Jack stepped through the doorway. "That was a good dinner, luv." He stated.  
  
"Don't call me "luv". Thank you. If I'm going to keep this up, though, I'm going to need more than rotten meat, moldy potatoes and petrified hardtack. Also, where will I sleep?" Cat was trying to get as much as possible from the one compliment.  
  
"Well, ye could sleep in my cabin..." The captain gave her a look that said more than Cat really appreciated.  
  
"Over my dead, rotting body. There is no way I am going to be sleeping in the same room as a lecherous captain."  
  
Jack looked rather disappointed. "Then there's t'other cabin down the hall. Next time we're in port, we'll get ye some food. I'll send someone to show ye the cabin." And he quickly got out the door before Cat could throw the pot she was holding in a murderous way. Cat laughed and pulled a face at his retreating back.  
  
"So there, Captain Jack. I feel like I just accomplished something!" She thought  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cat woke the next morning in a room almost as filthy as the kitchen had been. When she had gotten dressed in the only clothes she had, a gray tank top and denim cargo pants, she again walked down to the kitchen. At least making breakfast would be easier, just mush up that petrified hardtack and boil it for an hour so it would be halfway easy to eat. Oh well. It could be a lot worse. Jack could be stalking her as well. She couldn't deny that he was hot, but he wasn't her type. She'd never liked men who used their charming personalities to take advantage of women. But that was off subject.  
  
In the kitchen she made some sort of gruel out of some sort of meal. Probably not knowing what kind was better than knowing. After cleaning up the dishes and starting some meat boiling for lunch, it was going to take several hours to get it tender, she started a batch of bread with a sack of flour she'd found in the pantry. With Cat's luck, it would turn out to be flat and about as appetizing as straight hardtack. Oh well. Taking two buckets down from the wall, she filled them at the side of the ship, and lugged them to her cabin where she commenced scrubbing it from top to bottom. There was a noticeable improvement in the room, but most of the dirt had gotten on Cat. Four buckets of water and a really cold bath later, Cat was feeling almost happy again.  
  
About a week later, Jack called Cat into his cabin/office. "We're putting into port in a few days. If ye're finished with us, then I'll wish ye luck. But we're always in need of a good cook, so if ye'd like to stay, I'd see about gettin ye some pay." Cat contemplated this. She could get off The Pearl and work in a tavern or something in a port town. Taverns could be worse, a bunch of men she didn't know hitting on her all the time, rather than a single pirate captain hitting on her occasionally, and it probably would cost her the job if she threatened them with anything. But she could also stay where she was and negotiate her own terms.  
  
"What'll my pay be if I stay here?" She asked. No need to rush into things. Maybe find out the pros and cons of all arrangements.  
  
"Food, lodgin', and some money when we come into it."  
  
"If I stay here, I have some terms. First, clothing. I am sick and tired of washing things out by hand at night and hoping they're dry by morning. You'd need to provide me with money to take care of that. Second, you need to stay away from me, unless of course, you reform from some of the things you do. That will not happen so I'm pretty safe. Third, if these terms aren't met, I will remove myself from your ship the first port we come to and become a tavern maid." Cat looked triumphantly over the table at Jack, who looked interested.  
  
"What would ye be needin' for clothin'?" He asked.  
  
"Oh, just some breeches, a couple shirts, at least two dresses and all the accoutrements that go along with clothing." Cat smiled slyly at Jack's falling face, "Unless of course you can't afford it, in which case I'll take my talents elsewhere."  
  
"Oh, no lass. I can afford it, it'll just take a heap of a lot of money. Fine, ye'll stay." Jack looked rather gloomy at the prospect of losing money, but what could he do? There really weren't that many good cooks out there willing to work on a pirate ship.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


End file.
